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What if I Don't Have Kids?

Self | Attie Murphy | 4 mins

"What if I don't have kids?" It's a question we have at some point because we can't see the future. Whether it's by choice or because of biological obstacles, not having children changes how we think about ourselves. Parenthood is something we tie to our identity, and society has a lot to say about it. Some people will say that our entire purpose is to reproduce; others claim that having kids is the last thing anyone should do. How can we see past the stigmas and focus on what's in front of us?

As a twenty-something woman, potential motherhood crosses my mind. I'm far from "baby fever," and if/when I experience it, I want to know it's for the right reasons. I recognize how valuable and rewarding parenthood is, but how will I know I'm ready and not just fulfilling expectations? I don't have the answers, but God's wisdom helps me take one step at a time. I know He will love me at every turn. 

Does the Bible command us to have kids? 

The Bible makes the importance of parenthood abundantly clear. It tells us to "Be fruitful and multiply..." and that "Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him." There's no doubt God wants many people to have children to bring joy and carry His love forward. However, the Bible gives examples of single and married people who lived faithfully without having children. When I read about those people, I see their value was no less than those who raised armies of children. Some of them conceived children after decades of praying, and God had a purpose for all those years of waiting. There is nowhere in the Bible that says we must have children; it tells us to trust God. The decision to have kids is between you, God, and your spouse. It's not a qualification for God's Kingdom. I know that, whatever my situation is, my worth lies in Jesus and nothing else.

What is our legacy?

We can’t do everything in our brief time on Earth, and we have the instinct to leave a piece of ourselves to the future. Parenting is the most literal way we can do that, but it's not the only way. Whether we have kids or not, we are here to lift up new followers of Jesus. There are many opportunities to influence the next generation if we're open to God's direction. 

Here are a few ideas:

Volunteer with kids ministry.
Give to causes that help impoverished youth and offer access to the Gospel.
Create hospitality, content, or activities to reach young people and their parents.
Lead through your example and mentorship.

If you're someone praying for children and facing struggles, it's okay if you are feeling anger, sadness, or frustration. God wants you to bring Him your troubles and fears. You are not “less than” in His eyes. You don't have to go to Him with undying hope; you go to Him with faith that He will give you hope. Hebrews 11:1 tells us, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." Does this mean we'll receive everything we "hope for?" No. Faith means knowing we will receive everything that God promises. We can't see what His will holds for us, but we can trust in His path. No matter what our families look like, we are important to our Father, who made us with a plan from the start.

Written By

Attie Murphy

An avid writer since the age of 5, who loves to explore new ideas and places. Inspired by Jesus, books, and travel.

Published on Feb 25, 2023